In the Dark
by CPDSVU
Summary: A one shot based off of 7x12. What happens when Hailey begins to spiral? Will Jay be the one to help her out? Another Upstead story to get you through!


"_Good or bad, right or wrong, you know it [concerns me]."_

"God dammit, Jay."

Hailey sighed as she began her drive. She was going home after her chat with Voight, but all she could think about were the words her partner had told her earlier that night.

She hated to think that she had him worried, but her anger-fueled hatred towards Darius Walker burned stronger right now. He got what he deserved, didn't he? She'd like to think so, but then if that was true: why did she still have that sinking feeling in her stomach? Like something else was missing, or not completely there.

Maybe that's the part Voight turned off, Hailey wondered. Her sergeant had told her: "It's the part of me I turned off a long time ago." Course, he had also said that if she didn't turn off that part of her, it would eat her alive.

Was that why she felt like her face was on fire? Or was that why she wanted to jump out of her own skin? She didn't know for sure, but that pain in her heart, that raw hurt, told her it was a possibility.

She turned a few corners, stopped and started at all the lights, but she couldn't have told you how she ended up at her home. Or how he ended up there too, standing outside the door of her apartment.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She accused, her voice rising as she got out of her car.

Jay Halstead was leaning against her door, not moving. "Trying to get you back down to Earth."

"What?" She snapped as she walked around her car and up to her door.

"Hailey," Jay tried, his hand brushing her shoulder. "Please, can I just come in and talk?"

"You've said enough, haven't you?" She quirked her brow, unlocking her door.

"Hailey, wait!"

She had already gone inside, taken off her jacket and hadn't turned around still. She didn't want to face him yet. She couldn't; not after what he'd say when he found out about Darius.

"What, Jay? What the hell do you want now? I know, you warned me. You said I was too close. Well, I guess you were right, because I'm right in the middle of it all now!"

He looked at her softly, biting the inside of his cheek. He wasn't sure what she meant by that. "What're you talking about?" He carefully walked inside her apartment, taking a seat at her kitchen island.

She joined him, but not before grabbing her tequila. _If anytime was time for their thing that worked, it was now_. She poured them each a glass, sliding his down to him before gulping all of hers down.

"He's dead."

She said it so plainly, you would've thought she was talking about anything, or rather, anyone else.

"What?"

"Darius. He's dead alright? And before you even think about asking me the dumbest question ever, no I didn't kill him. But I'm not sorry he's dead."

"Hailey…you didn't…" She watched him bring the glass to his lips, finishing his alcohol off too.

"Just spit it out Jay." She huffed, not sure why she was doing this to him. She was really mad at herself, the situation…not at him. _Never at him_.

"You…oh god, Hailey. You enticed those gang bangers, didn't you?"

"I did what I had to do." Her tone was sharp, hard, and nowhere near the soft one Jay was used to hearing.

"Remember when I did what _I_ thought I had to do? I almost died, Hailey. Is that what you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's like you have a death wish!"

"Jay, calm down. It's not that dramatic."

"You wanna bet?"

"Excuse me?! You have some nerve, coming here and telling me who I am or how I'm acting or what I feel. You don't get to…save me from this."

"You're my partner, what affects you, affects me too!"

"Just go home, Jay. Just leave me alone," she begged. "Please," she heard her voice crack. She didn't care. She didn't seem to care about anything anymore.

"No, I'm not leaving you like this."

"Why not?" Her voice was barely a whisper. She said something else, but he didn't hear it.

"What?" He asked, as he must not have heard her correctly.

"I said I deserve it! Okay? I deserve this. Cameron's death was on me; and now so is Darius'! Voight was right, I did need to turn something off…but I can't. I just can't. And I hate myself for not being able to! And then I feel guilty for wanting to be worse than I am. How fucked up is that?" She let out a dry laugh, which fell flat given the circumstances.

"Hailey, remember what you told me?"

"When?" She looked up at him for a second, but didn't hold his gaze. She couldn't, or else she'd really let the tears fall that had been building up in her body.

"About a year ago, actually." He stood up, taking a few steps closer to her. "You told me that you can't right every wrong. Some things, some people, you just have to let it go. You told me something similar at the hospital, remember that?"

"Well, that was then. I was….I was naïve, okay. Stupid as hell. I didn't know what I was saying." She deflected, pinching the bridge of her nose and scrunching her eyes shut.

"Hey," he said gently, but firm enough to make her look up. He had grabbed her hand, and watched her eyes flicker from his hand to his eyes. "You're not stupid, Hailey. Did you make a choice? Yeah, but I know you. And deep down, you're better than this."

"How do you know?" She asked, disbelieved. She didn't even know who she was right now. So how in the world could he?

"Because, I know you. I know that you care so much about people, and you blame yourself much I like do…did." He said, his lip ticking up the tiniest bit. "And you're the one that pulled me out. You literally saved me, Hailey. Not even once, but twice. When I went too far, you pulled me back. You got me to get help. And I just wanna help you."

"I–" she started to say something, but closed her mouth just as quickly. "No, I can't. This– it's not worth it, Jay. Just let me dig my own grave, alright. This isn't your fight. It never has been." She hopped down from her own chair, before going back to the counter to get another drink.

"Hailey!" Jay grabbed her arm, holding her in place next to him.

"What, Jay? What?!" She raised her voice, it was higher and more emotional than normal. She finally locked eyes with him, and she noticed he looked like he was close to getting upset too.

"What're you so afraid of?" It was his turn to be softer, quieter, like he was almost scared of her answer.

"You."

Jay was so stunned, he didn't even notice she wrenched her arm away from his grasp.

She ran towards the door, grabbing her jacket when he found her again.

"Hailey, please."

"No!" She replied, trying to get out.

Jay slammed the door shut in front of her.

"Jay, get the hell out of my way. **Now**." She warned, her face becoming neutral and stoic.

"Hailey, I told you I'm not leaving you like this. And I'm also not going to let you leave like this either."

She didn't respond to him, instead trying for the door again. He grabbed her up, his hands tightly gripping her forearms.

"Let me go, Jay!" She was yelling now, trying to wriggle out of his grasp.

He didn't ease up, instead shifting his arms up onto her shoulders as she moved against him. She pushed at his chest, trying to make him let up.

"I…I can't, Hailey."

"Why not?!" She screamed, still pushing and attempting to pry herself from him. She couldn't hold the tears back any longer. She felt her body give up and cave in. She dropped slightly against Jay's shoulder. She tried to repeat the question she asked, but it came out broken by her heaving sobs.

"If anything happened to you, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself." He said into her hair, as he had wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a full hug.

She had the strangest thought in the middle of her cry fest: _We fit perfectly together_. Her head fit just into the crook of his neck, as she was still on the slight lift in the foyer floor. He was on the downward incline, but still. _It worked_.

"Jay…" she sniffled, his name a strangled word on her lips.

"I don't wanna talk anymore, Hailey." He said, his voice holding a feeling she couldn't quite pinpoint. But when she finally broke apart from his body, and looked into his eyes, she knew what it was.

Her lips had parted, and he took his chance. When his lips met hers, she forgot everything else, even her own name. She let herself go, completely immersing herself in _him_: the way his arms wrapped around her back, how his hair felt intertwined between her fingers, how his lips were able to move in sync with her own.

She kissed him back, her hands moving from his hair to his muscular arms, until they landed against his chest. "Um," she hummed against his lips, and she felt his body tense up.

She let out a breath through her nose, as Jay didn't want to separate from her lips. It was only when he moved down her jaw that she could speak.

"J, Jay," she breathed, her carnal nature taking over her brain, as her neck dropped back with ease.

"Just let go, Hailey." He whispered against her skin, which made her shiver.

She sighed. She should know better, but then again, he did say she should've listened to him. And everything she was feeling felt right.

She realized that _he_ was what she was missing, as corny as that sounded. She couldn't have cared less, as her heart was happy. And she didn't think she'd ever feel like that again. But with Jay? She was willing to give it a shot in the dark.

* * *

**A/N****: And that's my one-shot on the events of 7x12, with nods to 7x11/7x10 kind of. Hope ya'll liked this. Just wanted to get it out since I hadn't done a one-shot on the other two eps. I'll be updating my multi-chap "Ghosts" story soon too, so be on the lookout for that if you've been keeping up w/it. Thanks for all the nice feedback. Can't wait to see what's next for Upstead! ;) **


End file.
